Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Guest Blogger: The Kiddo

I have quickly discovered that the energy required to build a house does not leave much of a reserve of energy to fuel the creative fires necessary to convey via blog the story of building said house. In fact, I can't even muster the strength to edit the opening sentence of this post. So, in an attempt to keep you, The Reader, somewhat up-to-date, I have invited a guest blogger to briefly tell about our work today.
He is The Kiddo. The Man in my Life. Der Wunderkind. My 12 year old son. Since no one edits my posts I am giving him the same liberty. Lord knows what he'll have to say.
Without further ado, River the Guest Blogger:

The sheer lunacy of giftwrapping the house passed un-noticed by my esteemed...colleagues, and so it came to pass that we were
covering the house with plastic sheets. Pop used a strange unit of measurement called a "rip-snort" to measure how tight the
material was ("it has to be "rip-snortin tight"), and then mom and he proceeded to nail it in place (with me holding the
sheets up, of course) with nails with large plastic caps on them, presumably to make them stand straight up, so they go into
your foot when you step on them. I have recently passed the limits of my last tetanus shot, and I ain't gettin another one
anytime soon. Pop says that we must wrap the house because something called OSB can't get wet, but I am pretty darn sure it
is just particle board being sold with a fancy name to scam us. Also, a good deal of our processed lumber from lowes is
painted pink, for no easily explicable reason. I have no doubt that Mom has mentioned this previously on this "blog." I
attempted to assume a role as supervisor, but my mother has relegated me to petty jobs, such as picking up trash, or holding
the plastic as mentioned before. I begin to believe that my mother and grandfather are insane. On other notes, I have been
allowed to write in pencil on the boards that will be covered in drywall, so that when, 24 thousand years in the future, when
 strange alien archaeologists unearth the last remains of the earth, they will know exactly what our family crest is, and
when it was built. Pop has also purchased me a ship's porthole on E-BAY, as one of my windows in the new house. I may start
my own blog to chronicle Me and my Uncle's building of a diving bell, which will certainly be more interesting than the
building of a mere house. Captain's blog, out.

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